FTJ, Entry 106: Welcome to the Twilight Zone

Twilight Terror: A Drama in One Act

The setting: Forks, WA 

The players: Laura, a high-maintenance aging baby boomer from Connecticut with three-toned blonde/gray hair and an annoying voice. Her husband Beau, a strapping, jolly, aging Baby Boomer Republican, is in the scene, but has no lines.

Act I, Scene I: Interior shot of a class A motor coach being driven into the town of Forks

In the passenger seat, we see Laura, looking horrified at the passing scenery. Her face is etched with shock, despair, abhorrence, etc., at what she sees as the coach rolls into the decrepit town of Forks.  She eventually speaks, in a pleading, panicked voice:

"Beau, Get Me Out Of Here. GMOOH! GMOOH! GMOOH! "

Beau smiles, evilly.

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Hey, a blog can get boring. I needed some comic relief.

Yes, yes, yes, the scenery in Olympic National Park at the very tip of Washington around the godforsaken town of Forks is, by most people's standards, awe inspiring. I, however, could have lived nicely without any of it. As I told Beau, "I need to get back to shopping malls, movie theaters, nice restaurants with good food, and people who wash their hair and bathe regularly, wear clean clothing without holes and patches, and have all their teeth." 

Is that too much to ask? I think not.

The national park was the draw for us, of course. So imagine my surprise when I found out that Forks is the setting for Stephenie (yes, that is how she spells it) Meyer's Twilight books and the blockbuster movies based on them. In that I did not read any of the aforementioned books, nor did I see the movies other than a clip or two, I was not particularly excited. But after experiencing Forks first hand, I can totally understand the books' basic premise: A teenage girl in Forks meets gangs of vampires and werewolves. Yup, makes perfect sense.

I was in HELL, my friends.

In terms of the town and the RV park, this is the worst place we have visited yet. Let's start with the campground. The photos tell the story, yes?

Holy mother of god.

To be honest, we stayed in the front of the park, away from the trailer park trash on a large gravel site, so it was actually fine. 

As for the town -- and believe me, I am giving it credit in calling it that -- it's all about Twilight. The natives are trying to make the most of the obsessive "Twihards" (as I believe the Twilight fanatics are called), offering "Twilight" everything. I took some photos in the spirit of the tourist theme.

Every little shop had "Twilight" in its name, and even gas stations got into the act, posting signs about vampires.

Vampires, yes. But Forks has 3,000-plus people? Coulda fooled us.

I was told that the movie featured this retailer as where Bella, the female lead of Twilight, worked.

Enough of that nonsense. Moving on to our own tourism, we started with a trip up to Sol Duc Hot Springs, part of the Olympic National Park, which sprawls all over the peninsula.

The hot springs are a big attraction. We did not partake.

Beautiful Sol Duc Falls.

According to a local Indian legend, Olympic Hot Springs (we did not see those) and Sol Duc Hot Springs were created when two dragons came face to face on top of a high ridge separating their home forests in the Elwha and Sol Duc Valleys. The dragons exploded with anger as each accused the other of invading its territory.  Their fight was brutal and lasted for years -- they were too evenly matched for one to declare victory. Eventually, both dragons admitted defeat and crawled back to their caves, crying. The Indians claim both are still crying about their defeats, and that these tears are the source of the hot springs in both the valleys.

We did some moderate hikes in the Sol Duc area.

Our next stop was Cape Flattery, the most northwestern point in the Continental United States. We had to stop and reflect that just eight months ago, we had been at the most southerly point in the country (Key West). Quite a trip.

 


The Cape Flattery point is magnificent -- you have a long and somewhat arduous hike to get there, but the view is worth it. And I was proud I was able to hike both ways and not get winded, especially considering that a lot of the return trip was uphill.

The view of Vancouver Island, British Columbia, across the Straits of Juan de Fuca along the road to and from Cape Flattery is also quite spectacular. (I know, naming anything "Fuca" is asking for it. Beau had lots of fun with that one.)

The blue hills are Vancouver Island.

While staying in hell, we also took a day to make the drive out to Rialto Beach, south of Cape Flattery. What a rugged, wild place. There are great groups of giant dead trees washed up along the entire length of the beach. They lay on the sand like giant dinosaur bones. The beach itself is made almost entirely of smooth round stones. All in all, quite a scene.

It was quite cold out there, and very windy. Not really conducive to sunbathing. The Asian tourists, however, were running amok along the shore as if it were Malibu Beach.

The SIZE of the tree trunks tossed around by the power of the ocean is amazing.

 

Buddy kissing Momma

Hoh Hoh Hoh

The next day we visited the Hoh Rain Forest. It was amazing. And we saw wonderful herds of elk -- which helped make me less cranky about dealing with the Twilight Zone. Of course, as usual, Beau went on at some length about the name of the place: "Hoh's everywhere -- just like 7th Avenue." Sigh.

Beau adds: What was really cool, though, was that on the Weather Channel the other night, photographer Peter Lik, who captures fantastic photos of landscapes all over the world, was at Cape Flattery and the Hoh National Forest, taking pictures -- right where we were.

All of this area is part of Olympic National Park.

Loved the elk calf, top right. They were feeding along the Hoh River.

 

The forest primeval.

Beau and Buddy just outside the part of the forest known as the "Hall of Mosses." The trees here are covered with particularly lush beards of clubmoss. Kind of spooky.

The rain forest is awesome -- a deep emerald green moss drapes huge Sitka spruce trees (the predominant tree in the forest) everywhere you look. You expect to encounter Rima from Green Mansions around every corner.

One of the many nursery logs in the forest -- fallen trees that then serve as foundation for new saplings and eventually, grown trees.

Ah, wilderness -- lovely, yes, but one of us is sincerely thankful that this leg of the trip is over.

The one-act play concludes:

Act I, Scene XXX: Interior shot of a class A motor coach being driven out of the town of Forks

In the passenger seat, we see Laura, who wears a big smile as the motor coach departs Forks. On the street below the coach, a toothless, dirty, homeless man smiles and waves goodbye to her. Then he spits out a huge loogie.

                                                                        --- END ---

The next act in this dramedy takes place in Seattle, where we thoroughly enjoyed the great weather (apparently, a switch from recent trends there) and the fantastic town for three days.

And where Laura fell down the RV steps. Ouch. Knew it would happen.

Tanks, Panky